If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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