she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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