Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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