i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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