Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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