life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize