I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
