i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
