oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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