I puked a lego.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
