If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
