Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
