yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
