I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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