Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
