I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
