I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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