The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I want a musical about memes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
