dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
