I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
