he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
