Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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