No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
soo... how was my night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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