Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
