im having a threesome with these popsicles
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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