If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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