piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
