he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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