The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
