You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
