I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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