having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
