pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The best revenge is premature balding
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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