Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
