It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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