He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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