Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize