I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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