This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
