Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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