Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
