soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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