I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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