I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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