You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
