He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
