im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
D3 body, D1 cock
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
