We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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