Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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