Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
