you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
