Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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