Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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