thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
