Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
