I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
