i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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