what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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