Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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