I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
