my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize