you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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