dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
