I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
