Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
