Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
