Sponge bath it is.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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