yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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