She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
