here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
