i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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