i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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