I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you inspire me to be a worse person
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
