OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
