i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
