So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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